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Shame as adaptation, not defect In environments of abuse, neglect, or chronic emotional misattunement, children face an untenable bind: they must maintain attachment to caregivers while their lived experience is denied or minimized. As Gary Yontef describes, this mystification process teaches the child to mistrust their own perceptions and sensations. The resulting conclusion—“there is something wrong with me”—becomes a stabilizing explanation in an unstable relational field. Over time, shame or
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